What 'conscious uncoupling' means

"It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate," Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin wrote on Paltrow's site Goop in a post titled "Conscious Uncoupling." Here are other famous duos who've gone their separate ways:

The "Big World" of TLC stars Matt and Amy Roloff has been split in half. The couple, who've been together for 26 years and came to fame on the reality series "Little People, Big World," have announced they're embarking on a trial separation. "Matt remains living on the farm in our guesthouse and we work together everyday on the farm, on our business endeavors and most importantly, raising our amazing children," the couple said in a statement.

One of Hollywood's enduring love stories has been put on ice. Actress Paula Patton and her husband Robin Thicke, who've been together since they were teens, have decided to separate. The couple welcomed their only child, Julian Fuego, in April 2010.

According to TMZ, Khloe Kardashian filed for divorce from Lamar Odom in December. The couple met, got engaged and married within a month in 2009, and they were the subject of the E! reality series "Khloe & Lamar."

Actors Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs jointly decided to separate after 10 years of marriage, a rep for the couple confirmed to People magazine in December. The couple's son, Walker, was born in 2009.

After a six-year relationship, Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom announced in October that they had decided to formally separate. The couple, who share a son, said in a statement that they remain amicable.

After 22 years of marriage -- and several months of swirling rumors -- Kris and Bruce Jenner officially separated in October. "We will always have much love and respect for each other. Even though we are separated, we will always remain best friends and, as always, our family will remain our No. 1 priority," they told E! , the network that airs "Keeping Up With the Kardashians."

Chelsea Handler confirmed on her show, "Chelsea Lately," that she was once again single after dating André Balazs on and off for two years. "Maybe I'll start dating a (woman)," Handler said during her October interview with friend Mary McCormack.

After nearly 13 years of marriage, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas decided to take a break last year. A rep for Zeta-Jones said in August that the actress and her husband "are taking some time apart to evaluate and work on their marriage." According to People, they haven't filed for a legal separation or a divorce -- and Douglas said in September that he thinks they'll be able to pull through.

After months of speculation, Liam Hemsworth's rep confirmed in September that he and Miley Cyrus had ended their engagement. The couple first met on the set of 2010's "The Last Song" and have been off-and-on since then.

Movie veteran Clint Eastwood and his wife of 17 years, Dina, separated over the summer of 2013, according to People. They have one daughter together.

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler were going strong -- and looking hot on the red carpet -- for two years, but in early July their photogenic romance came to an end.

"Vampire Diaries" stars Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder had a relationship that sizzled on and off the small screen. But the two shocked fans when anonymous sources confirmed to People in May that the co-stars are no longer a couple. Somerhalder and Dobrev had dated for "several years," and their reported breakup came without warning.

Jane Seymour and James Keach announced the end of their 20-year union in April. The couple are the parents of teen twin sons.

Julianne Hough and Ryan Seacrest decided to take a break in March after more than two years together, People reported. The duo's busy schedules are to blame, but they plan to stay friends, sources told the magazine.

In September 2012, Will Arnett and Amy Poehler separated after nine years of marriage. They have two sons.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes "amicably settled" their divorce in July 2012, just two weeks after Holmes filed for it, an attorney said. Holmes and Cruise, who were married for five years, have one daughter.

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver separated in May 2011 after 25 years of marriage. The public has since learned of Schwarzenegger's affair with the family's housekeeper that resulted in the birth of his fifth child.

After almost seven years together, Kate Winslet and director Sam Mendes went their separate ways in March 2010. The couple said that the split was mutual and that they would continue raising their children together.

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman collaborated on four films together, including the controversial "Eyes Wide Shut," during their 11-year marriage. The couple split in 2001.

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins split in 2009 after 23 years together. The pair, who met on the set of "Bull Durham," have two sons but never married.

Mia Farrow appeared in several of Woody Allen's films before the couple went their separate ways in 1992. The pair reportedly split after Farrow found out about Allen's sexual relationship with one of her adopted daughters, whom Allen married in 1997.

MTV's "Newlyweds" Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey split in 2005 after their three-year marriage.

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe were married for seven years before calling it quits in 2006. The pair, who have two children, finalized their divorce in 2008.

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's seven-year romance came to an end in 2005. Speculation over whether Angelina Jolie had anything to do with the breakup added a juicy angle to the split.

Perhaps Hollywood's happiest divorced couple, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, split in 1998 after a 10-year relationship. They have three daughters.

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• Actor Gwyneth Paltrow and musician Chris Martin announced they are splitting up


• A notice on Paltrow's Goop website deemed the split a "conscious uncoupling"


• Drs. Habib Sadeghi and Sherry Sami explained the term on Goop


• "From this perspective, there are no bad guys, just two people," they say

(Elle.com) -- When the latest Goop newsletter hit my inbox, bearing news that Gwyneth Paltrow is separating from her husband Chris Martin, I had a LOT of questions. And one of the very first ones to come out of my mouth was "What's 'Conscious Uncoupling'?" referring to the title of Paltrow's announcement. I assumed it was just a cute little header she made up to soften the blow—something to fit within her fancy lifestyle brand's aesthetic, sort of like the way that she calls her "best of" lists the "GP 13."

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But as I scrolled down, I quickly realized that "conscious uncoupling" is not just a Gwyneth-ism or a Goop-ism. Conscious Uncoupling is very much a thing, one that's been around for years, though under the radar—well, until now. Leave it to GP to always be the first to introduce any and every new-age lifestyle tip and trick we never knew we needed, even during what must be a painful and tragic time (see: oil pulling, macriobiotic diets, countless juice cleanses, the Tracy Anderson method, agave, and soaked almonds).

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Below her announcement, Gwyneth had doctors Dr. Habib Sadeghi (whom she's tapped for numerous Goop newsletters) and his wife, Dr. Sherry Sami, explain the Conscious Uncoupling concept at length. At a lot of length.

Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin 'uncouple'

A "conscious uncoupling is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument [within a marriage] was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing," they write. "From this perspective, there are no bad guys, just two people," they say, expanding on the blame-free, "it's about people as individuals, not just the relationship" theory.

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That makes sense to me, the mutual responsibility, no-pointing-fingers aspect—though not all of the super-lengthy explanation does. Err, far from it. I've read the thing over half a dozen times, and yet I still can't seem to process these parts:

"Life is a spiritual exercise in evolving from an exoskeleton for support and survival to an endoskeleton. Think about it." I am. I don't get it.

"There's a scientific theory by Russian esotericist, Peter Ouspensky, that the creation of insects was a failed attempt by nature to evolve a higher form of consciousness." I think we're getting off topic?

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"Conscious uncoupling brings wholeness to the spirits of both people who choose to recognize each other as their teacher...If we can allow ourselves this gift, our exoskeleton of protection and imprisonment will fall away and offer us the opportunity to begin constructing an endoskeleton, an internal cathedral, with spiritual trace minerals like self-love, self-acceptance, and self-forgiveness." Huh?

"The misunderstandings involved in divorce also have much to do with the lack of intercourse between our own internal masculine and feminine energies." But what about the lack of just...intercourse?

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So I called up Jeanne Byrd, a coach in the Conscious Uncoupling method, for a little more clarification. Apparently the method can be traced back to one woman, Katherine Woodward Thomas, who developed it in 2010. (She's currently writing a book about it, which is certainly good timing for her.)

Conscious Uncoupling, Byrd tells me, is a five-week course, though it takes some couples and individuals longer to complete it, naturally. ("Some couples get stuck on week one for three weeks," she says, like she's all too familiar.) The method upholds that there are three "power bases," which are your relationship with yourself, with others, and with life, and that you need to understand all of them to get to the "deeper truth." The relationship with yourself is often trickiest for people to pin down, but it's central to how Conscious Uncoupling relates to divorces and separations. "It's not the fault of one person," says Byrd, or even as simple as any overt betrayals and injuries from one person to another.

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Instead, in a relationship, "Each party has brought to the dynamic a set of patterns that they've been living inside of for years," she says, and those things contribute to the downfall whether they realize it at first or not. The Conscious Uncoupling method, then, involves addressing those things and their impact on a relationship. "Like, say, someone had been cheated on. It's not as simple as black and white. The other party would want to address if they had done anything to contribute to that. If they had been withdrawing," Byrd offers.

That's how Conscious Uncoupling approaches everything, with a "we both did this, we're both responsible" outlook, which should, in theory, keep things amicable between two parties in a divorce or separation, since they both feel guilty.

And how does that relate to Gwyneth? Why might she have chosen the method for her own separation?

"Well, children really get the benefit from a Conscious Uncoupling," Byrd ventures, vaguely referencing Apple and Moses, Paltrow's two children with Martin, and "Conscious Uncoupling is really growing amongst parents," she says. "Oh my God, it's so exciting how quickly it's growing everywhere," she adds.

And surely, after all this exposure, this is just the beginning.

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.