Arrest made in McStay family deaths

• NEW: Charles "Chase" Merritt appears in court


• Merritt is charged with four counts of murder in the family's 2010 deaths


• Their bodies were found in the Mojave Desert in November 2013


• Merritt was a business partner of Joseph McStay's, police say

Watch "Buried Secrets: Who Murdered the McStay Family?" Tuesday at 9 p.m. ET on CNN.

(CNN) -- Almost a year to the day after an off-road motorcyclist found the remains of a California family who had vanished from their home in 2010, authorities announced Friday they had arrested the man they believe is responsible for the deaths.

Charles "Chase" Merritt is charged with four counts of murder in the deaths of Joseph and Summer McStay and their two small boys, San Bernardino County, California, District Attorney Michael Ramos told reporters at a news conference.

Merritt, 57, was arrested Wednesday without incident in Chatsworth, California, Detective Chris Fisher said.

Police say they believe the family died of "blunt force trauma" inside their home north of San Diego, but they declined to discuss specifics of the deaths or a motive.

Suspect arrested in McStay killings

Joseph McStay; his wife, Summer; and their two children, Gianni and Joseph Jr., disappeared from their home in suburban San Diego on February 4, 2010.

Joseph McStay, pictured with Gianni, owned a custom water-feature business and was scheduled to have a lunch meeting around noon on the day he disappeared.

The McStays were looking forward to Joseph Jr.'s birthday party that weekend.

Gianni was 4 when his family vanished.

Joseph Jr. was 3 years old.

Initial evidence pointed investigators south. The family's car was found near the Mexican border, and surveillance video showed what appeared to be a family of four crossing on foot into Mexico on February 8.

In November 2013, the McStays were found slain in the Mojave Desert -- their bodies buried in shallow graves. From the beginning, the case has baffled investigators, but they aren't giving up.

Who killed the McStay family?

Who killed the McStay family?

Who killed the McStay family?

Who killed the McStay family?

Who killed the McStay family?

Who killed the McStay family?

Who killed the McStay family?

Who killed the McStay family?

Merritt, who was a business partner of Joseph McStay's, appeared in court Friday but his arraignment was postponed until Wednesday. No bail was set.

In an earlier interview with CNN, Merritt said he received a phone call from Joseph McStay the night they disappeared, but didn't answer it because he was busy and tired.

"There are hundreds of scenarios," he told CNN at the time. "I have gone over all of them in my head. Of course I regret not picking up the phone."

Friday, McStay's brother, Michael McStay, choked back tears in thanking investigators for their work on the case.

"You have no idea what this means," he said.

5 questions about the McStay case

Police who searched their home days after the family disappeared found eggs on the kitchen counter and bowls of popcorn in the living room, along with the family's two dogs. There were no signs of a struggle.

Despite finding the family's SUV in San Ysidro, California -- where it had been towed from the Mexican border -- and video surveillance that showed a family matching the description of the McStays crossing the border, authorities had no clue what happened to them until the discovery of their bodies on November 11, 2013.

A motorcyclist passing through the area found the remains in two shallow graves not far from Interstate 15 in San Bernardino County, more than 100 miles from the family's home north of San Diego.

Authorities identified the remains using dental records. At the time, San Bernardino County Sheriff John McMahon said the killings appeared to be "extremely orchestrated" and carried out by more than one person.

But after reviewing 4,500 pages of investigative records, executing 60 search warrants and conducting 200 interviews, investigators zeroed in on Merritt, concluding he had acted alone in killing the family in their own home, San Bernardino authorities said.

He declined to say what specifically led them to that conclusion.

Fisher did, however, say there was no evidence the family had traveled to Mexico after their disappearance, calling the border video "unrelated" to the case.

"We don't think it's them," he said.

Ramos said he has not yet decided whether he will seek the death penalty in what he called a "cold and callous murder of an entire family."

The disappearance of the McStays

Joseph McStay's mother credited investigators for their strength and determination to solve the case.

"I need justice from the law and the courts and to get to talk to the judge," she said. "And most of all, justice upstairs for my lovely family."

CNN's Randi Kaye, Jessica Small, Melissa Dunst Lipman, Dana Ford, Greg Botelho and Chandrika Narayan contributed to this report.

Suspect told CNN: I have no clue

• Chase Merritt told CNN in January that he met Joseph McStay in 2007


• They did business together but they were also close friends, Merritt says


• He was the last person to see McStay the day he, his wife and two kids vanished, he told CNN


• Police believe Merritt, acting alone, killed the four family members in their home

Watch "Buried Secrets: Who Murdered the McStay Family?" Tuesday at 9 p.m. ET on CNN.

(CNN) -- Earlier this year, CNN asked a good friend and business associate of Joseph McStay what he thought happened to the California salesman and his family.

How did Charles "Chase" Merritt think they were killed?

"I have absolutely no clue," Merritt told CNN in an exclusive television interview in January.

Police believe he does. On Wednesday, they arrested Merritt, 57. He is charged with four counts of murder in the deaths of McStay, his wife Summer and their two small boys.

The family disappeared from their home in northern San Diego County in February 2010. Their remains were found a year ago, in shallow graves in the Mojave Desert, about 100 miles north of their home.

The discovery ended the mystery of what happened to the McStays. But who killed them, and why?

'Cold and callous' murders of McStay family solved, authorities say

"If I were to guess, like anyone else, I would think it was probably random because I honestly don't believe that family had anything to do with it. I don't think that any of his friends had anything to do with it. Joseph was just too well-liked," Merritt told CNN in January.

Announcing the arrest Friday, authorities in San Bernardino County said they believe the family died of blunt force trauma inside their home, but they declined to discuss specifics of the deaths or a motive.

"I am definitely the last person he saw," Merritt told CNN

Hear what McStay suspect told CNN

Suspect arrested in McStay killings

In his interview with Kaye, Merritt said he and McStay were business associates who became friends. Merritt made custom indoor waterfalls and McStay would buy them, he said. They had met in 2007 when McStay needed some help with a water feature.

They played paintball together. They had dinner at Merritt's place a couple times a week, he said. Merritt helped him move.

He'd also spent time with the McStays and gotten to know the family, he said.

Merritt and McStay met for a business lunch in Rancho Cucamonga the day the family disappeared.

"I am definitely the last person he saw," Merritt said.

He told CNN they were also on the phone constantly, perhaps 12 to 13 times that day.

There was another call from McStay's phone to Merritt the night of February 4, 2010. It came about 40 minutes after a neighbor's security camera captured the family's Isuzu pulling out of their cul-de-sac. Merritt didn't answer.

Merritt told he told CNN's Kaye in January he was watching television with his then-girlfriend and he picked up the phone, looked at it and set it back down. He was tired. He called back the next day, he said.

Was that just a regular call from his friend, or could it have been a call for help?

"There are hundreds of scenarios. I have gone over all of them in my head," he said. "Of course I regret not picking up the phone."

The disappearance of the McStays

Merritt was questioned by police after the disappearance. They just asked him the "standard questions," he said.

He also claimed to have taken a polygraph test.

What did it show?

"I don't know," he said. "Apparently -- I mean I haven't -- after I took the polygraph test, law enforcement has not contacted me at all since. So, I kind of simply assumed: Well, apparently that resolved the issues that they may be looking at with me."

Merritt said he didn't recall the police directly asking him if he killed the McStays. That was because at the time it seemed they were four people who left on their own volition, he said.

Lucrative waterfall project lay ahead, Merritt told CNN

Police had never named Merritt as a suspect before Wednesday's arrest.

He has served time in prison, according to criminal records from California, but none of the crimes involved violence.

According to the Los Angeles Times, Merritt spent most of his life working with his hands. He received a metalworking license in 1982.

At their lunch the day of the disappearance, Merritt said, he and McStay talked business -- just business. They were working on a waterfall project for a Saudi couple and Merritt said there needed to be a large check written to a stainless steel company that was doing work for them.

McStay seemed happy. On the horizon was another project that would involve 500 waterfalls. Each one would sell for $17,000 or $18,000 -- as much as $9 million total -- but McStay still needed to sign the contract.

"It was pretty much a done deal," Merritt said.

San Bernardino authorities said Friday that after reviewing 4,500 pages of investigative records, executing 60 search warrants and conducting 200 interviews, they believe Merritt acted alone.

He appeared in court on Friday, but his arraignment was postponed until next Wednesday. His lawyer, Robert Ponce, left court without speaking to reporters.

CNN's Jessica Small, Melissa Dunst and Jack Hannah contributed to this report.

Line between 'playing doctor,' abuse

• Experts: Lena Dunham controversy could be teachable moment for parents


• Dunham describes touching her younger sister's vagina as girls


• Some critics have accused the actress of sexual abuse


• When does childhood curiosity become inappropriate behavior?

(CNN) -- "Playing doctor" and "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" are common rites of passage in childhood sexual behavior, according to the experts.

If so, did actor and screenwriter Lena Dunham do anything wrong when, at age 7, she peered between her 1-year-old sister's legs and spread her vagina to see if it looked like hers? What about when she tried to bribe her younger sister with candy for kisses, or when she touched herself while the two girls shared a bed?

The Internet has been pondering these questions since National Review correspondent Kevin Williamson accused Dunham of sexually abusing her sister as a child. He based his argument on passages in Dunham's memoir, "Not That Kind of Girl," including ones in which the author describes the episodes above.

Williamson, a known provocateur who once argued that women who had abortions should be hanged, pinned much of the blame on Dunham's parents -- whom he called "self-styled radicals" who failed to enforce "even the most lax of boundaries."

He accused them of enabling behavior "that would be considered child abuse" in some places.

Low blow or not, Williamson's allegations prompted the question: When does childhood curiosity cross the line into inappropriate, abusive behavior?

Warning signs?

The resulting flurry of tweets, op-eds and blog posts about Dunham's behavior would have you believe it's a black and white issue. While columnists debate whether the "Girls" creator and star should be stripped of her feminist credentials, and Twitter activists urge HBO and Planned Parenthood to #DumpDunham, experts say the truth is more complicated because we don't know every detail of the sisters' relationship.

What matters more than what Williamson and others make of their childhood relationship is how Dunham's sister, Grace, responded to the events as a child, how their parents addressed them in the moment, and how they continue to affect the younger sibling, now 22.

I told a story about being a weird 7 year old. I bet you have some too, old men, that I'd rather not hear. And yes, this is a rage spiral.

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) November 1, 2014

And by the way, if you were a little kid and never looked at another little kid's vagina, well, congrats to you.

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) November 1, 2014

There's no way to know any of that for sure -- even in her book, as Williamson points out, Dunham claims to be an "unreliable narrator." But experts say the most useful takeaway for parents is the importance of reinforcing from an early age their kids' right to privacy along with bodily respect for others.

Though the Dunham sisters' age difference of six years could raise red flags, experts say the absence of evidence of a pattern of coercion or use of force make the instances cited in Williamson's article, "Pathetic Privilege," seem less troubling than he made them out to be.

At the very least, it's not the kind of behavior that warrants branding a pre-pubescent Lena Dunham a child abuser. Nor does it mean that such behavior, even if age appropriate, won't have adverse affects on those involved.

"Parents need to recognize that many children will engage in sexual exploration with siblings or friends of their own age or younger. Although these behaviors can be of concern, it is important to understand that they may not, in itself, indicate a tendency toward sexual aggression or abuse," said New York psychotherapist Lisa Brateman, who counsels couples and families. (Neither she nor the other medical professionals quoted in this story have treated the Dunhams.)

"It can be difficult to tell the difference between age appropriate sexual exploration and warning signs of harmful behavior," Brateman said. "Therefore it is imperative to teach your children what is appropriate behavior."

Sexual self-awareness

Appropriate behavior depends on age, changing as children learn society's rules and develop self-control. Very young children are naturally immodest, It's natural for them to express curiosity about bodies by touching themselves and others in public, or asking about the differences between girls and boys.

As children get older and their awareness of acceptable behavior increases, they become more modest and seek out privacy while becoming more curious about adult sexual behavior, especially in puberty. For more information, check out the National Child Traumatic Stress Network's guidelines for parents on sexual development and behavior in children

Such behavior poses a risk when it is clearly beyond a child's developmental stage, like a 4-year-old attempting sexual penetration, said sociologist David Finkelhor, Director of the University of New Hampshire's Crimes against Children Research Center.

Parents should also look out for patterns of aggression, physical force or coercion at any age, such as preoccupations with touching breasts or public exposure, especially if the behavior continues with age.

What matters most in these circumstances is how parents address these transgressions, without shaming children or making them feel guilty, he said. The act is bad, not the child.

"When children don't have answers to questions on their minds, that's when they'll take matters into their own hands," he said. "It's important to have these conversations early in childhood, and often."

Parental action

Lena Dunham released a statement Monday saying she was dismayed by the interpretations of her book and that her sister had approved of everything published about her.

heteronormativity deems certain behaviours harmful, and others "normal"; the state and media are always invested in maintaining that

— Grace Dunham (@simongdunham) November 3, 2014

As a queer person: i'm committed to people narrating their own experiences, determining for themselves what has and has not been harmful

— Grace Dunham (@simongdunham) November 3, 2014

Grace Dunham did not respond to CNN's request for comment, although she said on Twitter, "I'm committed to people narrating their own experiences, determining for themselves what has and has not been harmful."

Many critics cited the age difference between the sisters as evidence of Lena Dunham's inherently abusive behavior, a valid argument because research shows that the age differential matters.

As a rule of thumb, if there's more than five years between children there's a "fairly reasonable likelihood" that the older child has more power than the younger one, said Florida clinical psychologist Steve Gold, Director of the Trauma Resolution Integration Program at Nova Southeastern University's Psychology Services Center.

That power differential could be used to manipulate or coerce the younger person into unwanted activity, which crosses the line into dangerous territory, he said. It's hard to know what's going on, though, unless a child feels comfortable bringing their concerns to an adult -- again, emphasizing the importance of open communication.

"Ultimately the deciding factor is to sit down with the younger child and get a sense of whether they feel they're being pressured, uncomfortable or coerced; and, to do it in way that makes clear to the child they're not at fault," said Gold, whose research focuses on adult victims of childhood sexual abuse.

"It's important when a child does step forward that adults are prepared to listen carefully and not to assume that they're lying or making it up and listen closely and take the child seriously, and be prepared to take effective action to see to that it stops," he said.

"Right now, we're teaching children to tell someone, but basically putting the responsibility on the child to make it stop and that can be damaging if (we're) not teaching adults the importance of taking decisive action," he said.

'Doctor Who' star helps grieving boy

Peter Capaldi, who plays the 12th incarnation of Doctor Who, sent a video message to a 9-year-old fan grieving the loss of his grandmother. "... You should know that we're on your side. So you look after yourself, take care and be happy."

When Benedict Cumberbatch wanted to share news of his engagement to director and actress Sophie Hunter, he kept it delightfully traditional. The announcement was made with nothing more than a six-line notice in the UK's The Times. Way to keep it real, Sherlock! Here are a few more moments when celebrities have stepped out of their reality and into ours.

Sir Ian McKellen had a laugh with some schoolkids in October. Invoking his "Lord of the Rings" character Gandalf the Grey, McKellen warned a gaggle of British students gathered outside a library window that they'd better buckle down. "If you don't do your revision properly, do you know what will happen?" McKellen said to his rapt audience. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Cue the cheers, and extra points for McKellen for not being too famous to encourage young fans.

Is there a better surprise for a Trekkie than a visit from Patrick Stewart? The actor took some time out from his appearance at Atlanta's Dragon Con on August 29 to meet a fan named Dawn Garrigus. The young girl has mitochondrial disease and asked to meet Stewart through the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Stewart talked with her for a while, signed autographs and gave her a heartwarming hug.

Bradley Cooper wasn't just stopping by a London Burger King for a Whopper run on July 29. He was actually doing work -- and in more ways than one. According to E! News, the Oscar nominee got behind the grill and learned how to flip burgers for a role in an upcoming movie.

With the cancellation of Sarah Michelle Gellar's CBS show "The Crazy Ones," the actress has turned to less glamorous career options. On July 13, the mother of two joked that a lemonade stand was her newest way to bring home the bacon. "Got to earn a living somehow (right)?" Gellar tweeted, along with a snapshot of the roadside watering hole. (No word on how much she earned on the job.)

Taylor Swift should be invited to all of our parties. Not only does the superstar singer show up when called -- as she did when fan Gena Gabrielle sent the star an invite to her bridal shower in Columbus, Ohio -- but she comes bearing gifts. Gabrielle, pictured here with Swift on the day of her bridal shower, was gifted with plenty of cooking supplies from the singer, including a KitchenAid mixer.

Bryan Cranston has gone from "Breaking Bad" to Broadway, but the actor is happy to turn himself back into Walter White for a fan. While signing autographs after a recent performance of "All the Way," Cranston agreed to help one teen ask a girl to prom: "Maddy, if you don't go to the prom with Stefan," Cranston intoned, "then maybe your best course of action would be to tread lightly." Obviously Maddy must be a "Breaking Bad" fan, because she said yes.

After an online effort to make it happen, Jon Bon Jovi walked Australian bride-to-be Branka Delic down the aisle before her wedding to Gonzalo Cladera at the Graceland Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas on October 12, 2013.

Despite being one of the biggest celebrities around, Tom Hanks has a reputation for being a man of the people. Case in point: The actor quietly reported to jury duty in September 2013 before the case came to an abrupt end.

Dave Matthews gave one of his fans the experience of a lifetime when he hopped into the back of her car after his bike broke down on his way to a concert in July 2013. The fan, Emily Kraus, has said how kind Matthews was, inviting her and her boyfriend to dinner and giving them front-row seats to the concert.

Jay Z proved that he's not too famous for NYC's subway when he took the train to a performance at Brooklyn's Barclays Center in 2012. The artist chatted with another artist, Ellen Grossman, along the way.

Most celebrities will announce their presence months before they arrive anywhere, especially if it's an event that will bring them positive press. But when Tom Cruise gave a commencement speech last year to aspiring actors at Joanne Baron/D.W. Brown Studio in Santa Monica, California, he showed up completely unannounced. One source told the New York Post that it was "one of the most inspiring speeches we've had."

David Lee Roth is another celeb who can assist in an emergency. The rocker switched gears from music to medical help in 2004 when he worked as an EMT in New York.

Since her relocation to New York City, Katie Holmes has been seen taking full advantage of the city that never sleeps. Aside from frequently strolling the streets of New York like a regular Joe, Holmes was also photographed sneaking in a catnap on the subway in November 2012.

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• "We're on your side," actor Peter Capaldi tells fan grieving loss of his grandmother


• 9-year-old Thomas Goodall comes from a home of Dr. Who fans, or Whovians


• Thomas wrote a letter to Capaldi when he took over role from Matt Smith

(CNN) -- The past few weeks have been hard for 9-year-old Thomas Goodall, who lost his grandmother in early October.

It was the first major loss of a loved one for the autistic boy from North Baddesley, England, who relies on a consistent routine to avoid meltdowns, his father, Ross Goodall, said

Things finally began to take a turn for better on Monday, when Thomas received a comforting video message from actor Peter Capaldi, who plays Thomas' favorite TV character, Doctor Who.

For the first time since his grandmother's death, Thomas smiled.

"I think it probably meant everything to him," his father told CNN. "I think it gave him the emotional support that we as parents couldn't."

After Ross Goodall posted the video on YouTube on Thursday for family to see, others took notice and started sharing it, drawing more than 200,000 views in 48 hours.

It didn't come out of the blue. Thomas comes from a household of Whovians, where sonic screwdrivers, robot daleks and TARDIS time-travel machines make up much of the decor.

The fanaticism extends to Thomas' fashion choices. His signature outfit consists of a checkered shirt, suspenders and bowtie in honor of the 11th incarnation of the time-traveling doctor played by Matt Smith -- one of Thomas' favorite doctors. Other days, he wears a pair of Converse sneakers, 10th doctor David Tennant's trademark look.

When Capaldi took over the role from Smith in 2013, it was a big deal for Thomas, Ross Goodall said. To help cope with the change, Thomas sent Capaldi a letter in September letting him know that he looks forward to following Capaldi's adventures as the new Doctor Who.

Capaldi responded with a letter and autographed headshot. After Thomas' grandmother died, Ross Goodall reached out to Capaldi through his agent and explained that Thomas having a hard time dealing with the death of his grandmother.

Thomas meets former "Dr. Who" actor Colin Baker, left.

Again, Capaldi came through.

"Thank you very much for your letter. I really enjoyed getting it because, you see, when Clara and I are traveling around time and space, sometimes bad things happen to us. And, you know what, Thomas, sometimes sad things happen to us, too, so it's nice to know that there's somebody like you out there who's on our side, and you should know that we're on your side.

"So you look after yourself, take care and be happy."