Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Can Ray Rice be forgiven?






Running back Ray Rice was cut by the NFL's Baltimore Ravens earlier this month and suspended indefinitely by the league. Those measures came after video from a casino elevator showed he delivered a knockout punch to his then-fiancee and current wife, Janay, in February. Prior to the revelation of the video, Rice was given only a two-game suspension by the league. Rice called his actions "inexcusable" in July. After his suspension, he sent a text to CNN stating, "I'm just holding strong for my wife and kid that's all I can do right now."Running back Ray Rice was cut by the NFL's Baltimore Ravens earlier this month and suspended indefinitely by the league. Those measures came after video from a casino elevator showed he delivered a knockout punch to his then-fiancee and current wife, Janay, in February. Prior to the revelation of the video, Rice was given only a two-game suspension by the league. Rice called his actions "inexcusable" in July. After his suspension, he sent a text to CNN stating, "I'm just holding strong for my wife and kid that's all I can do right now."

Tennis player Viktor Troicki completed an 18-month suspension for not providing a blood sample for a doping test at the Monte Carlo Masters in April 2013. One of the world's top tennis players at the time, Troicki claimed a doctor conducting the blood test allowed him to miss the procedure. When he returned to the sport in July, the 28-year-old player was ranked 842nd.Tennis player Viktor Troicki completed an 18-month suspension for not providing a blood sample for a doping test at the Monte Carlo Masters in April 2013. One of the world's top tennis players at the time, Troicki claimed a doctor conducting the blood test allowed him to miss the procedure. When he returned to the sport in July, the 28-year-old player was ranked 842nd.

Uruguay soccer star Luis Suarez is serving a four-month suspension from the sport after he bit Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini on the shoulder during a World Cup game in June. He was also banned for nine international matches and fined $111,000.Uruguay soccer star Luis Suarez is serving a four-month suspension from the sport after he bit Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini on the shoulder during a World Cup game in June. He was also banned for nine international matches and fined $111,000.

Cyclist Lance Armstrong lost his seven Tour de France titles and received a lifetime ban by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency after he declared in 2012 that he wouldn't fight charges of illegal doping. Later, he admitted to using banned performance-enhancing drugs during his cycling career.Cyclist Lance Armstrong lost his seven Tour de France titles and received a lifetime ban by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency after he declared in 2012 that he wouldn't fight charges of illegal doping. Later, he admitted to using banned performance-enhancing drugs during his cycling career.

New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez is serving a 162-game suspension for doping -- the most severe in baseball history for performance-enhancing drug use. Missing the entire 2014 season will cost Rodriguez his $25 million salary.New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez is serving a 162-game suspension for doping -- the most severe in baseball history for performance-enhancing drug use. Missing the entire 2014 season will cost Rodriguez his $25 million salary.

The Indiana Pacers' Ron Artest, now named Metta World Peace, was suspended for 86 games in 2004 after he jumped into the stands and fought with fans in Detroit. The melee began after somebody threw a drink on him.The Indiana Pacers' Ron Artest, now named Metta World Peace, was suspended for 86 games in 2004 after he jumped into the stands and fought with fans in Detroit. The melee began after somebody threw a drink on him.

Tonya Harding, the first female figure skater to complete a triple axel in competition, received a lifetime ban from U.S. Figure Skating after her ex-husband attacked rival skater Nancy Kerrigan before the 1994 Winter Olympics. The U.S. federation concluded that Harding, seen here at left next to Kerrigan, knew about the attack beforehand and engaged in "unethical behavior." Tonya Harding, the first female figure skater to complete a triple axel in competition, received a lifetime ban from U.S. Figure Skating after her ex-husband attacked rival skater Nancy Kerrigan before the 1994 Winter Olympics. The U.S. federation concluded that Harding, seen here at left next to Kerrigan, knew about the attack beforehand and engaged in "unethical behavior."

In 1967, Muhammad Ali was stripped of his World Boxing Association title and banned by virtually every state's licensing authority after he refused induction into the U.S. Army and became a conscientious objector to the Vietnam War. He returned to boxing more than three years later and eventually regained his title.In 1967, Muhammad Ali was stripped of his World Boxing Association title and banned by virtually every state's licensing authority after he refused induction into the U.S. Army and became a conscientious objector to the Vietnam War. He returned to boxing more than three years later and eventually regained his title.









  • Ray Rice reportedly plans to appeal his indefinite suspension from the NFL

  • Many fans, including women, wore Rice's number at the Ravens' season opener

  • Rice's likability is a factor in whether the public will ultimately forgive him, expert says

  • Another factor, experts say, is the impact of what people saw Rice do in surveillance video




Editor's note: Kelly Wallace is CNN's digital correspondent and editor-at-large covering family, career and life. She is a mom of two girls. Read her other columns and follow her reports at CNN Parents and on Twitter.


(CNN) -- Try writing a post seeking comment on whether embattled NFL star Ray Rice could ultimately be forgiven and watch your social network streams light up with a fair amount of outrage questioning how you could even suggest such a thing.


It is definitely not politically correct to ask if a man seen on a hotel surveillance video knocking out his then-fiancée and dragging her from an elevator could one day face redemption.


But many other superstar athletes -- from Michael Vick, who was convicted of bankrolling a dog fighting ring, to Tiger Woods, who was divorced by his wife after several allegations of infidelity -- were forgiven by fans and the public.


Could -- or should -- the same thing happen with Rice, a 27-year-old running back recently released by the Baltimore Ravens?





Why some women wearing Ray Rice jerseys




Gillibrand: If Goodell lied, he has to go




Friend: Rice is in love with his wife

There are signs some are already giving Rice a second chance.


Read: Children: The silent victims of domestic violence


In his first public appearance since being suspended indefinitely by the NFL, which he reportedly plans to appeal, he attended a football game Saturday at his high school alma mater in his hometown of New Rochelle, New York. Janay Rice, now his wife, was by his side, and his 2-year-old daughter sat on his shoulders for some of the game.


"Ray is a part of our family and a part of this program, and that's why I'm very happy that he's here today," said the team's coach, Lou DiRienzo, according to The Journal News. "He made a mistake -- and he made a very terrible mistake -- but I know the character of the man, and he will rise from this."


At the Ravens' first game of the season, several fans, including women, wore Rice's No. 27 jersey. One, Lauren Brown, told CNN's Erin Burnett on "OutFront," "He is human and people make mistakes."


What it will take for the larger public to agree with that sentiment and forgive Rice comes down to two questions, according to Patrick Wanis, a human behavior expert. "One (is) how much do we actually like the person already? The second is what did we just see? If we see the results of the beating, we react more harshly," Wanis said.





Ray Rice has plenty of support




CNN anchor speaks about abuse




Costello: Crime committed against me

For instance, he points to the condemnation of singer Chris Brown after the photo of Rihanna's bloody face surfaced. Brown ultimately pleaded guilty in June 2009 to assaulting his then-girlfriend on the eve of the Grammys.


Read: Ray Rice video prompts stories of #WhyIStayed, #WhyILeft


"When we see the bruises, the cuts, the bleeding, the scars, we feel a lot more pain, therefore we respond with a lot more anger," Wanis said. "We have anger that says this situation needs resolving."


Besides the brutality of the video that has now been seen by millions, Rice faces other challenges should he ultimately seek forgiveness, domestic violence experts and women and men around the country said: answering the questions of whether a man who hit his partner and knocked her out will do it again and whether he can ultimately change.


Katie Ray-Jones, president and chief executive officer of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, said a man who hits his wife can stop if there is "an honest willingness to change and diligence applied to the process of changing."


That means taking full responsibility for his actions and seeking help, said Ray-Jones. If Rice does that, he could be given a second chance, she said.


"Abusers deserve to be forgiven, especially if they make changes in their life that allows them to live a life free from continuing to be verbally, physically and/or sexually abusive," said Ray-Jones. "We at the hotline wouldn't be doing what we do if we didn't feel that people can make change. However, change is difficult."


Read: Obama 'shocked' by Ray Rice video, Washington turns attention to NFL


Jamie Berndt, a mom of four from Hilton Head, South Carolina, said forgiveness on the part of the public could be possible for Rice but not just because time passes or he apologizes.




CNN\'s Kelly Wallace says she sees signs that some are already giving Ray Rice a second chance.

CNN's Kelly Wallace says she sees signs that some are already giving Ray Rice a second chance.



"Forgiveness comes when a person shows genuine remorse over and over, tries to do better over and over," she said on Facebook. "It is trying to live right because that is right, not because one gains something in return."


Tish Howard, a retired elementary school principal in Fredericksburg, Virginia, said forgiving does not mean condoning Rice's actions. "Ray Rice was wrong, needs consequences, counseling and ultimately forgiveness. He needs deep counseling, not talking heads on TV."


For others, the fact that Rice's wife, Janay, has forgiven him means the public can and should forgive him, too.


"I personally think what he did is despicable," said Scott Eddi of New York. "However, we are not his spouse. So ultimately if his wife has shown grace to forgive him ... all we can do is support him. We all have done things in our past that we realize are wrong. The goal is to change and influence others to amend their behavior."


Read: Domestic violence 'ordinary' in U.S.



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Lisa Abrams, a self-described "huge Ravens fan" from Baltimore who admits it's hard to be objective, said she believes Rice may be a scapegoat for other problems affecting the NFL.


"What Rice did was horrific, but he is now paying a penalty, not for his actions but for the NFL being embarrassed by not having punished him appropriately in the first place," she said. "Everyone deserves a second chance. He has done so much good in our community and is doing all the things that have been asked of him legally and by the league in retribution."


But others said they believe Rice's actions can never be forgiven.


"From what I've heard and read, I wouldn't forgive him," said a woman on CNN Living's Facebook page. "He hit his wife! I just don't find him a man worthy of my respect. Better yet, any man who lays a hand on a woman is not worthy of respect."


"Is he even asking (he should be begging) for forgiveness?" said Rebekah Meola of Los Angeles. "Even if he is forgiven, he should never get his job back."


What do you think? Do you think Ray Rice can or should be forgiven? Tell Kelly Wallace on Twitter or CNN Living on Facebook .



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